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A thought prompted by something in a post by a friend: Why is it that whenever I hear, "I hurt," in my own head that statement immediately translates into the direct personal accusation "YOU have failed me"? And, while this is MY problem, does it also relate to the larger problem of privileged-group guilt?
Edited to add: I think that at least part of the problem is the same psychological process which manifests itself as "derailing" in the context of discussing racism. It happens in the interpersonal context too. I would describe it this way:
1. I hear YOU talking about what bothers YOU;
2. I hear this as being all about ME;
3. I feel attacked and react defensively and I try to take YOU down for attacking ME (which YOU never did).
So, everything that is said gets fed into that internal meat-grinder of thought and gets processed into more of the same "they say I'm BAD."
Edited to add: I think that at least part of the problem is the same psychological process which manifests itself as "derailing" in the context of discussing racism. It happens in the interpersonal context too. I would describe it this way:
1. I hear YOU talking about what bothers YOU;
2. I hear this as being all about ME;
3. I feel attacked and react defensively and I try to take YOU down for attacking ME (which YOU never did).
So, everything that is said gets fed into that internal meat-grinder of thought and gets processed into more of the same "they say I'm BAD."
